This is a very silly poem I wrote a very long time ago (back in my 20’s) which I rediscovered today as I was sorting through some old papers.
MARY HAD AN EVIL LAMB
Mary had a little lamb,
It’s fleece was black as night.
It’s eyes were red as lava pits
That glowed with hellish light.
It had two evil bat-like wings
And horns on its head.
It followed Mary day & night –
The sleepless walking dead.
She broke the rules & brought to school
This demon lamb from hell.
It ate her class & teachers too,
Which broke the rules as well.
But why is Mary even with
This lamb as black as pitch?
Is young Mary a Satanist?
A Psychopath? A Witch?
And where’s the lamb we know & love?
The one as white as snow?
Well, listen up for this sad tale
Starts many moons ago…
Mary once had a little lamb
Whose fleece was pure & white,
But this lamb had… an evil twin
Whose fleece was black as night.
One night when Mary & her lamb
Were peacefully asleep,
The evil twin came silently
And ate its brother sheep!!
From that day forth, the lamb of night
Replaced the lamb of snow,
And now everywhere Mary went
This evil lamb would go.
But why did Mary do nothing?
Was not she good & kind?
The sad truth is, she never knew.
Mary, my friends, was blind.
And so, for years, her ignorance
Allowed this evil beast
To follow her & meet her friends
And maim & kill & feast!
Even when it stopped saying, “baa”
And started moaning, “braaains!”
Sweet Mary, in her innocence,
She never once complains.
Until one tragic, fateful day
This lamb as black as hell,
To satisfy its need for flesh,
Ate poor Mary, as well.
So learn the moral of this tale.
Avoid this blood & gore.
If you’re blind & you need a pet,
Stick with a Labrador.