WITHOUT A THUMB
A poem for Matthew Salter
By Simon Camilleri (12/8/2013)
Without a thumb, is life that bad?
Does it really disable?
The corporate myth that “thumbs are great”
I’d say is just a fable.
Sure scientists may claim that Man
is more evolved, proposing
that we would still be like the apes
without our thumbs opposing.
But I say “bah!” What do they know?
They’ve never lived without them!
Until they try a thumb-free life
I’ll continue to doubt them.
They could (like some) shatter their thumb
and if they did I’d wager
they’d soon discover life thumbless
is nothing really major.
Sure, you can’t grip, things tend to slip,
and doorknobs are an issue.
True, jars stay jarred cos lids are hard
without that thumby tissue.
Sure, you feel hexed when trying to text
and pens are also tricky,
And standing at the urinal
It’s hard to hold your…keys or other such items you might be holding while standing at the urinal.
And don’t begin to think you’ll win
if “Thumb Wars” is declared.
But still it’s true, the cons are few.
You shouldn’t really care.
See thumbs were useful long ago
in times now in the past.
You needed them to throw a spear,
but that need didn’t last.
In Roman times at colosseums
your thumbs had need worth noting.
Thumbs up was life. Thumbs down was death.
No thumbs was donkey voting.
In times Shakespearian you’d bite
your thumb to pick a fight.
Since then it has evolved across
two digits to the right.
And in more recent times people
used thumbs to go hitch hiking.
But now with global warming those
without a car are biking.
Even now babies don’t need thumbs
to suck them til they tire.
We’ve now replaced God-given thumbs
with plastic pacifier!
So you can see, without a thumb
your life won’t really change.
Sure, if you tried to be The Fonz,
your catch cry might look strange,
But generally, you will be fine.
In fact life can be greater!
Who cares if you can’t count to 5.
Just use a calculator.