My divorce went through on the 13th of June 2009. Three years ago.
It was a dark and horrible time in my life as what I had fought long and hard to avoid, finally came to pass.
It had been a long and painful three and a half year long separation. God had used the whole experience to do wonderful and redemptive things in my life in the areas of personal purity, grounding my identity in Christ and deepening my intimacy and dependance with God, but sadly my marriage died in the process.
It was like sitting by the bedside of a terminally ill loved one and seeing them slip further and further away. No matter what I did, I could not convince my wife at the time to not go through with filing for divorce.
The best expression of this time was given to me by a Christian counsellor who I began seeing as the divorce loomed closer and closer. On my very first session with him, after I had poured out my heart and told him exactly where the state of things was between me and my wife. He looked at me and said, “I hope you don’t mind me saying it like this but… you’re fucked.”
I was shocked that those words would come out of the mouth of a Christian counsellor, especially on the very first session, but I was also very impressed. He knew exactly what I needed to hear and in the next few sessions, he helped me face the reality of the divorce that was about to enter my life.
I did a few things to prepare emotionally for it. One thing I did was write a poem, which became a song.
I wrote it three and a half days before the divorce became final. It is called “When the Fat Lady Sings.” Here is a recording I made of me singing it. (If you can’t watch YouTube clips, you can read the words here)
Three years has now passed.
God continues to show me his faithfulness in the midst of an uncertain world.
By God’s kindness and a wonderfully gracious woman’s willingness to give me a chance, I am now very happily married to Catherine.
My new marriage is a blessing, and Cat never expects me to forget my past. In fact, she thanks God for the ways in which my experience shaped and matured me.
On the three year anniversary of my divorce, I walked to work, and on the way, I reflected and prayed and became inspired to write a sequel to “The Fat Lady Sings”.
I could write several blogs on all the lessons I have learnt, and maybe one day, I’ll write more.
For now, I’ll simply leave you with the poem:
Three years later
God is greater
Has proved true
And the girl in the wings
With her song of redemption
Everyday now sings
Her song anew.
The lessons learnt
Not left me burnt
But showed me what
I prayed they would
When the fat lady sings
There are still two true things…
You will find God is kind
And you will find God is good.