June 22 2020

The Lord’s Prayer – Woke Edition

The Lord’s Prayer is Jesus’ working example of how we should pray.

But many (including those who claim to follow him as Christ and Creator of the Universe) argue that Jesus was just a product of his times, and like problematic films like Aliens and The Goonies, much of the New Testament requires a disclaimer stating that Jesus’ teaching contains: “outdated attitudes, languages and cultural depictions which may cause offence today.”

The Xenomorphs were culturally appropriated

Now, we could just cancel Jesus, doxx him on social media and force him to quit his job as Saviour of the world.

Or, we could just update Jesus’ prayer to something less offensive…


The Lord’s Prayer – Woke Edition

Our [god, free of all gendered imagery],

Hallowed be your name [not that you care about all that stuff].

Your [democratic socialist autonomous zone] come,

[Our collective] will be done,

On earth as it is in [whatever concept of the spiritual realm sits best with you].

Give us today our daily bread [with a gluten-free option and maybe an alternative for those that are cutting down their carbs. Also could we get some butter?].

And forgive us our [<no alternative found>]

As we forgive those who [offend] us [after destroying their career].

[Let us lead ourselves] away from temptation [unless it’s sexy or chocolatey or both].

And deliver us from [ignorance and low self-esteem, because no one and nothing is truly “evil” deep down, just misunderstood].


ADDITIONAL ENDING FOR WOKE ANGLICANS:

For Thine is the [democratic socialist autonomous zone]

The Power [to the People!]

And the Glory [of each one of us living out our own truth]

Now and for [the next few years until the zeitgeist changes once again].

Amen

[also Awomen and Athosewhodontidentifybyanygender]


If you want a slightly more serious reflection of what I think about The Lord’s Prayer, check out this article I wrote for The Gospel Coalition Australia: “Our Father Who Art in Parliament”.

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Posted June 22, 2020 by Simon in category "Christianity", "Funny", "Society

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