August 12 2013

Without a Thumb – a poem for Matt Salter

thumb

WITHOUT A THUMB

A poem for Matthew Salter
By Simon Camilleri (12/8/2013)

 

Without a thumb, is life that bad?

Does it really disable?

The corporate myth that “thumbs are great”

I’d say is just a fable.

 

Sure scientists may claim that Man

is more evolved, proposing

that we would still be like the apes

without our thumbs opposing.

 

But I say “bah!” What do they know?

They’ve never lived without them!

Until they try a thumb-free life

I’ll continue to doubt them.

 

They could (like some) shatter their thumb

and if they did I’d wager

they’d soon discover life thumbless

is nothing really major.

 

Sure, you can’t grip, things tend to slip,

and doorknobs are an issue.

True, jars stay jarred cos lids are hard

without that thumby tissue.

 

Sure, you feel hexed when trying to text

and pens are also tricky,

And standing at the urinal

It’s hard to hold your…keys or other such items you might be holding while standing at the urinal.

 

And don’t begin to think you’ll win

if “Thumb Wars” is declared.

But still it’s true, the cons are few.

You shouldn’t really care.

 

See thumbs were useful long ago

in times now in the past.

You needed them to throw a spear,

but that need didn’t last.

 

In Roman times at colosseums

your thumbs had need worth noting.

Thumbs up was life. Thumbs down was death.

No thumbs was donkey voting.

 

In times Shakespearian you’d bite

your thumb to pick a fight.

Since then it has evolved across

two digits to the right.

 

And in more recent times people

used thumbs to go hitch hiking.

But now with global warming those

without a car are biking.

 

Even now babies don’t need thumbs

to suck them til they tire.

We’ve now replaced God-given thumbs

with plastic pacifier!

 

So you can see, without a thumb

your life won’t really change.

Sure, if you tried to be The Fonz,

your catch cry might look strange,

 

But generally, you will be fine.

In fact life can be greater!

Who cares if you can’t count to 5.

Just use a calculator.

fonz

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Posted August 12, 2013 by Simon in category "Funny", "Poetry

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